asking for signs

I was hoping JayR got in, giving me the sign I asked for. I guess the one up above doesn't want me in a dirty game, which mess I might not be able to clean up. Or maybe He just wants me to continue to be patient, stick it up to Tee, try to be insensitive for some time, and wait for the happy ending. Couldn't I just have the happy-ever-after ending soon? I'm stressed to the core, my eyes are always sore. and this trying-to-be-numb is such a chore.

a couple of thoughts

Two project ideas kept circling my mind since last week:

1. Bags

Mom told me that a shop in our hometown can churn out bags based on your own designs. Design your own bag! Whew, can't wait to get started. I initially thought of a laptop bag until Riza said she wanted a camera bag. So I thought, "Hmmmn, Why not?" My camera bag's really boring and
it shouts, "Lookie, I have a bulky camera!" I want a bag that's anything but both boring and obvious. So now, I'm racking my brains for a good design and half-hoping that the project wouldn't be too pricey. Tee wants a messenger bag so maybe, when he continues to be good boy that he is today, I'll design one for him.

2. Travel Blog

This has been in my mind for some time now. Okay, it's really been ages since I came up with this project. Initially, I wanted this as a group thing since my close circle of friends loves hopping from one island to another. That they're good great at photography is an added bonus. But the barkada isn't as excited as I am. Oh well, I guess I'm on my own.

growing mung beans

Trust is not easy for me to give especially for someone like Tee*. The current complicated set-up with him is far from helping.

The better understanding of the other with the passage of time, however, is sowing monggo beans of faith. His evident effort to gain my trust and my attempt at convincing myself that I will be happier without doubts watered the beans to make them sprout.

Until after some cheating husbands trampled the young shoots to death.

Okay, it was just a cheating husband. But he was gamely sharing his conquest to the male friends. He did not boast it to us girls, but he wasn't hiding stories of his infidelity either. What's worse, is that his kind seems to be applauding him.

Now how would you grow back the trampled mung bean sprouts?



* I am a Tee and so is he. He is my activity partner, my best bud, my palangga, and, hopefully, my lifetime partner. I love him to bits.

photo from www.thegreenhead.com/2006/10/magic-wish-beans.php

for the next videoke date

change of tune... we still need a lot of practice though.

Beautiful In My Eyes Lyrics
Artist:Joshua Kadison

You're my peace of mind in this crazy world.
You're everything I've tried to find, your love is a pearl.
You're my Mona Lisa, you're my rainbow skies,
and my only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.

The world will turn and the seasons will change,
and all the lessons we will learn will be beautiful and strange.
We'll have our fill of tears, our share of sighs.
And my only prayer is that you realize
you'll always be beautiful in my eyes.


You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.


When there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles,
and when the time comes to embrace for one long last while,
we can laugh about how time really flies.
We won't say goodbye 'cause true love never dies.
You'll always be beautiful in my eyes.


You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
that you will always grow ever more beautiful in my eyes.
The passing years will show that you will always grow
ever more beautiful in my eyes.

a milestone

We've started praying together. I think it's a good sign.

and of promises and closing your eyes on the truth

The world is extremely interesting to a joyful soul. ~ Alexandra Stoddard

Do i still have the joyful soul? The Alexandra Stoddard quote doesn't seem to apply to me now. Sigh. Getting tired. Almost surrendering. But still, I find this world interesting enough. More corners to explore,more beautiful souls to meet, more experiences to encounter. And perhaps more trying experiences and difficult persons to learn from.

So I'm not exempt--I'm given a cross too, and it's pretty heavy like how others are complaining about theirs. So life is fair; just like everyone I have a burden too, something to slow me down from all the hurrying up...

But can't I just pick another cross this time? I don't like lying, I want to be true in all that I do, because I've been so free before. And I'm pretty certain that a wee bit of lying today will add up to more lies later. I'm like choked, imprisoned... I have a key though; I have a choice so I can always get out...

But I promised...

no, i'm not referring to work...

Whoever said that I'm one energizer bunny is wrong. Well, now I think he/she is. I also thought I was then, and even went the extent of once bragging that I could outrun, outswim, outsmart, most a number of my male friends. But now that I think about it, I could never beat a big bass drum like that bright pink toy did.

And unlike the young rabbit, I am now tired... Even feeling that I'm near to falling apart. Maybe that's what the very sudden move to an unfamiliar turf gives me, what with the change from the peaceful, but sometimes boring, trodden path, to the crazy, demanding but sightly superhighway. Why didn't somebody warn me that something this wonderful could suck one's energy?

Ga, tell me that I am just adjusting, that exhaustion is typical of those new to traversing this path. Say you'll soothe my sore and aching muscles from all the driving (and walking when we run out of fuel). Assure me that in no time I'll be back to the energizer bunny that I have been, Ray-Ban sunglasses and all. Tell me all these because now I'm asking myself if I made the right choice.